15 Minutes of E-Fame

FameEveryone’s heard the Andy Warhol “15 minutes of fame” quote, but what most people don’t know is that it was plagiarized. Not only does a photographer claim to have uttered a similar phrase to Warhol two years earlier during a photography shoot, prompting Warhol to run off with it… but we can go all the way back to the year 1600 when William Kemp, a clown actor, published the phrase “9 days wonder,” which means a novelty that loses its appeal after a few days. It basically expresses the same exact underlying premise that Warhol is credited with.

It doesn’t matter what decade of what century you look at, history has proven that human beings are programmed to have some sort of strange desire and fascination with fame and attention. Fortunately for mankind, the average fame-seeking freak had limited resources for vomiting their lame attempts to garner attention all over our laps. Up until the past decade or so, that is. Enter stage left, the internet and social media. Every dolt with a computer, tablet, or cell phone suddenly thought they found their wormhole to fame. What was once the information superhighway has now become the highway to hell, and it’s paved with idiotic intentions. The world wide web has been reduced to a LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! stage. You can’t browse for more than 20 seconds without enduring someone’s sad attempt to achieve internet fame… two words that go together like douchebag and prestige.

With that in mind, I offer the following public service announcement:

Don’t follow me on Twitter, don’t star my tweets, don’t friend me or subscribe to me on Facebook, don’t like my posts, don’t follow me on Instagram or heart my selfies, don’t read my Tumblr blog, don’t see what garbage I like on Pinterest, don’t make me the mayor of anything, don’t Snapchat me, and don’t like, star, retweet, heart, or share if you agree. In fact, if you’re one of the millions of shallow-ass attention and validation-seeking morons who clog up our screens with your weak attempts at douchebag prestige… err… I mean internet fame, then do us all a favor and go out and get a huge firecracker. After lighting it, make sure you grasp it firmly between both hands until it explodes and shreds your fingers and/or hands into such inoperative stumps that they’ll never be capable of typing on a keyboard, maneuvering a mouse, or operating a cell phone or tablet ever again. Once you’ve accomplished that you can achieve the internet fame you’ve so desperately desired by opening a GoFundMe page and asking for handouts for your pain and suffering, much like the clowns who have received donations and then bragged about their new (funded) tattoos, or posted pictures of themselves doing their (funded) bong hits.

“The best things in life are free.” ~Coco Chanel

“… from the masses, who inevitably fuck everything up.” ~MrFornicator

~Jamie Capria

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